Pedal your own canoe

A pedalo has a turning circle to rival the London taxi... if the taxi were driving in custard, on rails,with a giraffe attached to the back... While not a useful mode of tranport, though, the pedalo is at least a very superior way to get some exercise on a sunny afternoon.
A shame that the boating area in Battersea Park is not large - in your allotted half hour you can probably fit in around five circuits, which is frankly plenty. But the pedalo also provides the opportunity for schadenfreude over the poor souls who thought they could manage a rowing boat. There is one particular narrow area where most come to grief, while pedalos queue up behind them or demonstrate their superior ability to stop, go backwards and so on. The rowboats have a staggering turning circle in the right hands - they go round, and round, and round, and round, and round...

I rather wish there was mystery shopping for pedalos, but sadly the only 'assignment' I have taken recently was a very prosaic visit to a bank. I have become a mystery shopper in the name of research for a future novel, but am quite enjoying it. Despite the claims of various websites, you will not make your fortune. You'll be lucky if you make £20 per month, before tax. But you will get to lie, mildly, in a good cause. For someone as pathologically, occasionally insultingly, honest as me this should be uncomfortable, but it's oddly liberating. The best performances, of course, are based on truth. I am moderately interested in changing my current account (aren't we all?). But it's fun to be so strongly aware of what someone is saying to you and how you are being treated. Attention to detail is just what usually doesn't happen on either side of that kind of transaction. It's a tiny lesson in human interaction and the things that sustain it, or don't.

Cafe society

I can concentrate better in a cafe. Honestly. I'm not yet one of those who can write in cafes - the laptop is a bit too old and creaky plus I would feel rather visible - but reading / research in cafes is definitely the way forward. Frank's Bar in Norwich forcibly reminded me of the joy of a good cafe, which is why I was so delighted to find that Dulwich's Blue Mountain cafe has a 'cousin' opposite Gipsy Hill station. They're not entirely flawless - they make most of their money from morning and lunchtime commuters, not from writers in search of tea, so they close at four which is far too early. But they do provide a splendidly quiet but welcoming place to read, replete with nice tisanes and caramel shortbread squares.

I am clearly not the only writer to enjoy cafe society, as having finally tracked down a local writing group I discover that they too have a 'cafe caucus' as well as evening / weekend meetings - I look forward to discovering them on Monday.

While I'm here, I can't help but put in a plug for my other current excitement, Uniqlo. Specifically, their cord trousers. A few years ago I had a pair of cords from Gap. The cord was fine and soft, they fit like a glove and were the perfect smokey grey. I wore them until they died, then mourned. Finally I have a fitting replacement - in fact I have five. You may call that excessive, but I'm making certain I never run out again! I have black bootcut cords for work and green bootcut cords for lazing / country walks. In a more radical departure, I also have skinny cords. In case you are wondering, although happy with my figure I have never been able to get a skinny jean past my thigh, let alone my bottom. But Uniqlo's skinny cords are miraculously accomodating. And they don't cut off my circulation or give me a muffin top. This is why I am now the proud possessor of one pair in black and two in dark grey. I have worn them four days out of every five since purchase. They have single-handedly revived various shirts that I have ignored for years, as well as adding a whole new twist to most of my shoes and boots. Best of all, they were a mere £24.99 each (less in fact with a discount card I came across). Uniqlo also stock the perfect on-trend plaid flannel shirt to go with them, but that's another story.

Norwich rocks

Topped off an idle August with a really great wedding anniversary weekend in Norwich. Which officially rocks - apparently they have won some kind of international 'liveability' award. I can now see why.

We went there because we spotted a random hotel offer in the newspaper - I have been before but only when too young to notice or working too hard to see anything, but it's a great pocket-city. More shops per square inch than anywhere else I can think of, great culture that they actually make the most of (e.g. the riverwalk), fascinatingly diverse and huge castle museum, lovely deco-style hotel (St Giles House), and a fantastic dinner and live blues at 18 Bedford Street.

Special mention goes to the public art trail of decorated elephants (just finished sorry), particularly the Mondrian stylings of the Parallelephant... The other entrants to the pachyderm parade though didn't make as much effort with naming as the pig parade currently on in Bath. OK pig jokes are probably a bit easier but there are surely plenty of words that could be tacked on to 'elephant' for humorous effect? Just for starters I'm thinking Jellyphant, Elephantom, trunk call... you get the gist.

Extra special mention goes to Frank's bar. We stumbled in for tea & cake on Friday afternoon, went back for Hendrick's gin with cucumber before dinner, thought we might as well have a light lunch their on Saturday, failed to find anywhere better for tea so were back for more cake, and then had Sunday lunch there to round it all off. Their chocolate mandarin cake and sunday blueberry pancakes are out of this world, their ethical policies seem sound, their musical choices are varied but always mellow and their decor and service relaxed. Oh and they were showing the film Labyrinth on Sunday afternoon, which holds a special place in my heart (Bowie in tights... mmm... ok it's wrong but honestly this film had a profound effect on the young me!). Basically I want to live there.